How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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