a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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