Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
