I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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