New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
