Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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