i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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