i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
