I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
