This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
