Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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