Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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