I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
