Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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