Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
