Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Even my vagina gasped.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
