i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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