When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I think weed is turning my hair brown
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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