one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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