Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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