I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
