So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
it was like eating out sand paper
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
