my text book just quoted the cookie monster
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
