Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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