It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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