is your mom at the bar?
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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