i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
