So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
