I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
