Your tits are I can't wait for
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Randomize
