Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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