Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
