ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
