Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Drunk is a universal language darling
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
