If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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