I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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