Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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