DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
