My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
