my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
