what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
