did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
