Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
