Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You took a bar mat shot.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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