It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm both gender and math confused
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
