Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Randomize
