I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i wish my penis had a tongue
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
