I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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