Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
