He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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