I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
