i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
