True but thats because hes a fetus.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
