and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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