Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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